Finally 80% Status Project: Getting over

   Lately, was able to go through each day with a little less thought of you.  By and by, I am getting to the idea that I could never have you- i am just simply giving up on something that is not really for me.  If it is for me, then I will have to wait on destiny to work it's way to the both of us.  I am tired and thought that I have wasted so much time thinking of which I should have enjoyed for myself.   I will try to push push- it's going to be some bloody woodwork I know but at least i am not clinging on wasting my time around.

    If you happen to read this- sorry I give up.  If you were for me, time will bind our ways again- see you soon, if time permits.  For the meantime, I will shift my view to something else- cause I am going to be young only once.  I have almost wasted my youth, the sand in my hourglass is almost a quarter-empty and I had to move and not wait til the last grain to fall. 

    

You were perfect for me

I never felt so happy whenever I am with you... feeling you around makes my heart so full with security and happiness.  Seeing you everywhere especially when you are just inches from me erases every doubt I have on life, love and commitment.  With you, I can feel belongingness and I've never felt so safe.

It hurts me so much that you know of how much I have loved you since.  I wanted to take good care of you but knowing that I don't have any right to do so stopped me from doing it all for you.

I wanted to be with you everyday, seeing your smile and talking with you and hearing you sing.  Lord, please please hear me...

Meeting new People

I have met these new amazing people who never cared too much on how I look.  All they noticed was my cool demeanor and smiling face.  They were too honest about how they admired my attitude- was too much amazed though that I was positively recriprocated.  thank you Lord for letting me cope up with my heartache :)  YOu are very amazing.  He told me that it is something that we need to pray to have.

Attachments...attachments

     I should have not started it...  it's already a given that if I started letting others get in, i always always get hurt and disappointed.  This vicious cycle is a sure-fire of getting me mad at people to whom I am expecting to be reciprocated.  Hmmmm i get to scold myself always every time this happens- it's like addiction that needs proper planning just to stop.  You still have to go that painful withdrawal process where in doubts and insecurities are at play that you could no longer collect yourself and just be happy about the situation that I was able to meet and be with them.

I am your lamp post- I will wait for you to light your way.  I will stand by waiting for your call, but I won't tell you that I am here.  During your dark hours, I will light your path for you to see where you are going, for you not to fumble in darkness.

I won't say a word nor move, I will be here waiting for you to come.  Once that day will arrive, i will wholeheartedly welcome you and light you in your darkest hour- giving you the sturdiest support just for you to get back on track.  All i want is for you to call out my name- to need me by your side is my heart's desire.

Hear my heart's calling- and you will never regret it.  Come to my side and you will never have to sad anymore.  

Final Goodbye?

    

  I need to distance myself- is this the best option that I need to look into right now?  I know it's been quite long now- seems like I need to lie low from bothering my former colleagues.  They have their own lives and I need to go on with mine.  

I know the path where I am now is sort of desolate and lonely without them, but this is what I have chosen.  Have to stand up to what I have decided- clinging on the relationship would be impossible.  It would be like pushing myself forcefully back to the situation where I should not be in.  It hurts me a lot as I have grown to adore them as my friends.  The more I thought of holding back these affections really did not help me on my daily undertakings- the more i think about them the sadder I get.  

Part of me wanted to correct this "regret" but my great human pride vehemently disagree. Have to find ways to either go on smoothly hurting myself in the process or just leave it all behind and just move as if nothing happened. I know we are all exerting efforts to keep this friendship solid but I can't myself that much.  Distance is really an issue for me when it comes to relationships- the tendency of forgetting someone is always at hand.  

Honestly, i really don't want to forget them but I don't trust my heart and mind. Lord, please help me.  It is you who have led me to them.  they are truly great gift from you.  Please help me treasure them more.  They brought so much life's lessons and so much fun in my life.  I really am so lucky to have them. 

Still Missing him so much...

     I sent him some greetings last New year- unfortunately, after waiting and waiting, I did not receive any reply.  It hurt me so much- I must say!  He did not even come on our arranged party how dare he! :(  those events brought some pain which led me to think that I will have to start to forget him.  My tears where flowing constantly, every time I tell myself these statements- 'cause I really want to hold this feeling and keep it. 

     Lately, I am trying my best to let go- i even deactivated my FB Account just to not see his face again.  Did also remove his name in my Address book just to keep me from contacting him.  This is indeed really hard and painful- I am waiting for signs just a simple text and "How are you?" will do.  One thing that is for sure right now, is that my heart is still waiting and open for any possibilities.  I never stopped praying for him to finally be mine- the thought of making him smile once more and taking good care of him sends countless energy just to keep me going for the day.

     Lord, please help me... make me strong...