This is it! :-(

I will take it slow- i know this is going to hurt big but I have to... my heart is aching seems like a thousand pins were stucked in it...

Lord help me get this over with... I can't wait no more... i can feel that this is going nowhere- have to move and get on with my life :-(

What I don't see won't hurt me anymore... But still i will go through the "letting go" process nice and slow.  It's not going to be easy and happy but but there's no other way but go through these dark tunnel.I will, as much as possible, erase him from my mind so as to let it all sink in.  I won't promise that I won't be swayed for any possibilities but from now on, i will try to hold myself out from trouble.

I knew from the start that this is going to be trouble again for me and my clueless emotions, but still I let it all in all the way.  I can't blame myself for going with it 'cause at some point to gave me some leverages- it sort of, made me happy :)  It turned my boring days exciting.

Even if it did not turned out happy like I wanted it to be, but I am still thanking that I was able to experience it- was able to feel that I was wanted in some ways.  For now, I am not so sure what I finally decide but, i have a very heavy heart.

Realizations that I need to Let go

I was giving too much time on the thought that maybe he is into me.  The thought struggled to cling on my mind until now.  Situations were too perplexing as doubts subsided and then refreshed- everyday seemed like a battle that goes into cycle without knowing which side would settle and win.

My heart is tired- loneliness and insecurities set in to always nab away my sanity.  My brains always scolds my heart to stop but most of the time my heart fights back that there is still hope.  When the object of my affection is nearby, I get all giddy, willing to start and remove the thought of letting him go.  I guess it's the absence and his lack of reminding sometimes made me believe that I am nothing and that it's rightful to just let go and move on.